What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
