She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need a beard to bite.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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