I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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