planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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