she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
