Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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