What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
