I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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