one might say we're banned from that church
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
