There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
