My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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