But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.