everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.