So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
Wow word travels fast.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?