Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10