I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.