Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?