i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.