I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
