My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.