Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.