i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.