please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
