remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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