Whoa Z and x make the same sound
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
