Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
