Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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