it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him