I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood