I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
