Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
