I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
