I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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