I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I faked an abortion last night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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