i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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