I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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