he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
