He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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