There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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