I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
