Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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