dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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