Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.