Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.