i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week