Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.