Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.