If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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