I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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