We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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