so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
