im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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