My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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