i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
More tranny stories later!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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