I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
