Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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