she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize