Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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