How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
