we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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