hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
