I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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