I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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