oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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